I made my first attempt to start something I’ve been wondering about for soooo long. Watching next top model and thinking some day that will be me, but hearing your too short and having your own insecurities stopped me. I’ve been in shows at my college and it has always been a joy. I seen this girl do it all and she has so much confidence so I reached out and she is going to be my guidance.. I feel so happy, I haven’t been this happy about something in a long time. My heart is racing thinking of the many opportunities I will come across. Passion I want to scream. Teaching will always be my dream job, but modeling is fun and exciting. I will get the best of both worlds..I get my degree in 3 more semesters and hopefully modeling kicks off and I have some fun. I have this body why not use it, I’ve been trying to get thick for too long and no results might as well.

I’ve been thinking a lot more than usual and just taking everything in. This year so far has been a struggle that I have over come. Highs definitely overcame the lows but I cant help to think about the lows. From relationship problems, to family problems, friend problems, and soror problems things just keep piling up and it’s hard trying to balance. I use to judge people constantly but I now live by my favorite song and use that perspective on how I’m viewing others. YOU DON’T KNOW MY STORY, BUT MY WORSHIP IS FOR REAL. I only want the best for everyone in my life and I have learned what’s best for me isn’t best for the next person. I want my friends to rise to their fullest potential because I know they have it but sometimes it doesn’t show. I use to constantly question why is it so hard to obtain such and such and judge them but that’s not my place AT ALL. Im smart I want to surround myself around smart people but I feel like my friends aren’t thinking like I am, just as long as they are passing its fine. I want them to do it for them not for ANY ONE else. I said before that your friends are a reflection of you and I wanted to surround myself around people that strived just as hard as I do. I learned from a very wise friend you have to accept your friends for who they are and I am trying. I feel bad about my relationship with one of my friends because all I do is constantly judge and I know how it may seem receiving it but like I said I want the best for my friends and I just need to stay in the backseat sometimes and let them guide their own lives. I love my friends and I swear the truth hurts and it’s sad that I CAN’T SAY WHAT I TRULY FEEL at certain times. Things are always said on the sly and to someone else does that make me phony? I’m working on me most of all and trying to be there for anyone that will be there for me ☺☺☺..

GASPS(tired of typing)

2 be continued!!!

The definition of a real man is so hard to describe because you only want the best but sometimes you are settling because he’s the best you can find. I always wonder what it was like back in the day without all these advances to make it easier to mess around. Times have changed severely and divorces are happening because of fb and texting unbelievable right but you can see why. Like I stated I will know when I’m grown and a man is grown when these social networks aren’t a factor in anything.

I’m sad right now, and I don’t want to talk about it at all.. Tired of telling people the same problems UGH I WANT OUT!!!

I know its been said a million years after another how your going to act differently and change yourself. I myself plan on being a better me, by speaking my mind can’t get better results if I don’t tell people what their doing wrong. My main thing that made me want to post something today was my baby he welling just came over without asking and gave me some money for a mani and pedi without asking. It made me think that there is hope for us to grow and get better. We have been together for three years now and last year I felt that we were stuck in pointing fingers at one another on the wrong we have done and defending why we felt it was right. We were stuck in the negative and couldn’t get away from it and it was the hardest. I’ve tried pushing him away in so many ways, but he won’t let go and THATS WHAT MADE ME want to change my mindset on us. I am more willing to hear his side of the story and get his point of view. I willingly give back massages and help him do his laundry. Things that I stopped doing after the first year because I felt like he was taking it for granted so after the 2nd year he started complaining about it and I finally gave in this year. He is an act of kindness type of lover thats how he knows that I love him and will do anything for him. I am a spending time type of lover, spending time together feels so great when your with your better half. I’m giving better results and receiving even better ones. I LOVE THIS BOY.. my first love and I truly want to go places with him, but I feel us being in college is holding me back A LOT..cant stop the groupies and can’t stop him from getting attention. I trust more, but I don’t trust these hoes. I’m scared that he will one day make a mistake and I can’t keep living like that because I’m stopping all the good thats happening with us. He hasn’t given me a reason to think he would ever do something he will forget, but he is friendly and hoes take that an extra mile. So this year I just want the positive, because this year will be my year of moving ahead